Advertising is a rancorous ruse, the most manipulative of man-machinated demons since Western monotheism. Watch as it hypnotizes its prey, fills its head with lies, forces it out of its dwelling and into the nearest market, and controls its hands as it weakly purchases the product in question. We have all been suckered by this masterful craft. Not one month ago, this reviewer found coupons for Quiznos, and with no previously existing Quiznos diet, this reviewer found himself going there time and time again, just to use the coupons. You see a finely animated advertisement on a piece of technology, you think it looks so clean, so sleek, so useful that you must have it or perish. Ideas get lodged into your head like so many CD wallets in a glove compartment. Forever, we are the slaves of advertising, and we bask forever in its terrible glory.
Except when it blunders, thus breaking the spell for just one second.
I don't know how long ago this started, as I, a freedom fighter against advertising's reign, do not expose myself to much of its media, but American Airlines has been and is now using the slogan, "Hit the Sky Running." This is a major flop. Allow me to tell you why.
To think of how an attractive slogan works, you must think of yourself enacting its cleverly truncated exhortation, to which its advertising fame is duly attributed. McDonald's old slogan (current? I don't know) "i'm lovin' it," inspires you to believe that when eating a burger (or whatever you call them) at McDonald's that you too will be lovin' it, and will henceforth neglect the capitalization of your self-proclaiming pronoun, for the sake of all things beef-and-grease. At the same time, H&R Block convinces you that you will be surrounded by people doing things for you, and the United States Army insists that you will surmount to the absolute pinnacle of your true being by firing a gun at someone and not having to go to jail for it. You imagine doing these things, and then you do these things.
When I imagine myself "Hitting the Sky Running," no good things come to mind, in any scenario.
Hitting the sky running on the plane can have many different subplots, the two main reasons for a human being to run being:
A) You're exercising, which is silly, since you're on a plane. Travel is supposed to have a soothing feeling, because it inherently is not. That's why airport music is insidiously soporific, and why they offer you every kind of food, beverage, convenience that an entire city can offer you all in one web of halls. Not only is it preposterous to exercise on a plane because of the narrow aisle width, other passengers, and the flight crew, but those pesky, cumbersome beverage carts make for painful hurdles. And also, you're on a plane because it's too far to drive, and you drive because it's too far to RUN.
B) What, do tell, are you running from? Could it be some kind of danger? Oh yes, American Airlines please.
Then, there's the notion of hitting the sky running outside of the plane, which only means that you're falling to your death.
What the slogan is doing is catering to the goers in our family of generations. The laid back generations have gone soft and wrinkly, so what could appeal more to the baby boomers on up than doing as you go? Always moving, always progressing, food on the go, music on the go, internet on the go, exercise on the go, thinking on the go, cats on the go, it's all fucking go-go-go-now-now-now. And that's what "Hit the Sky Running" is doing for us. It's a phrase taken from its more practical predecessor, "Hit the Ground Running," but has substituted one noun and therefore created absolute fucking nonsense.
Me, I'll fly Delta, because they'll get me there, and they love doing it. Which I disbelieve, but am hypnotized into feeling more comfortable with. Actually, I won't fly at all, because frugality is my holy water for advertising, may it keep me clean, protected, and not broke.
"Hit the Sky Running," 1.5 stars.
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